Reflections of Dementia: Causes of Missing You (Grandfather)
i remember you asking "when was i gonna come and visit?"
such was the moment of realization and it hurt so much to hear it
i imagined you warring with dementia desperately trying to cling to your family-
but hearing your voice had me wondering if i was still a memory?
i can picture you in a photo with the signature Hill head and ears
smiling into the lens with eyes that i believed knew no fear
since you have been gone things have been said - terrible things
-never did i know about the abuse your anger did often bring
so, so many thoughts and emotions are flowing through me right now
never could i imagine hurting those i love still i see no benefit in spending energy on the how
i can only remember you as my first example of a strong man,
an adequate provider,
fearless,
and one who was respected without even trying-
lived into your nineties still getting respect without a memory intact and dying
growing up i have no memories of being hugged or told i was loved
...I love you grandfather but the cycle must be broken with the guidance from above
families in which we are born are a sign of wisdom and what has been decreed
so rights must be fulfilled and limits we must not exceed
i remember you stressing our left handedness as a special connection
even now i can still feel the pride i felt then from this reflection
after knowing so much you revert to knowing nothing
i can't imagine experiencing a state where it is so difficult to be able to recall something
-or afflicted with a condition where neural pathways have been completely shut off
this is one state in which it means to be lost...
grandfather i haven't forgotten you and know that i miss you my left handed comrade-
(smile) but may Allaah bless me to always remember you as simply:
Grandad.
By: Khaliifah Ibn Rayford (Marcellus Williams) (7/28/2022)
Poetry like this captures the deep emotions tied to watching a loved one battle dementia. The reflections on a grandfather’s life and struggles resonate with many who have experienced similar journeys. For families supporting loved ones in their final stages, understanding what to expect 6 months before death elderly can help provide meaningful care and comfort. These moments, while challenging, also offer opportunities to cherish time together. Sharing such personal stories fosters connection and reminds us of the importance of compassion.